Saturday, September 11, 2010

30 days of letters, Day 19: Someone that pesters your mind-good or bad.

yet another stupid letter to my ex best friend. Hopefully THIS one will bring me the closure I need.


Moving past you is proving complicated. You represented so much happiness. You helped me come to some really good realizations about myself. You helped me grow as a person. You were/are a unique and amazing and complicated individual. I'm trying to accept, I'm trying to forgive, I'm trying to forget. I can't help how I feel, to some extent. The way we quit our friendship was ugly and stupid and dramatic. Certainly we've moved to "mutual acquaintance" territory. While I'm not 100% happy with that it is what it is. There's still a lot of hurt associated with memories of you. There's still a lot of sweetness too.
We weren't "normal" or your "Average" type of friends in the first place. I'm okay with the fact that the outside world thought they saw, when they saw us hanging out. I understand why.. mostly. It's all right. But I can't quite stop scratching the "what if" itch. The "why" itch. The "But" itch. (hehe)

Eventually, I hope, I can look at our amazing brief span of friendship in nothing but a good positive light. I've never had a friendship end like ours did. I've never had a friendship that was LIKE ours.

I guess...

I wish I could properly express the mixture of "Thank you" and "Damn..." that I'm still feeling, and probably always will feel. I've said it before, and I'll ay it again. If you ever decide you need me again? I'm here. I don't "need" you, but I miss you.

Bye bye, beautiful.

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