Thursday, May 28, 2009


It's officially official. Ian's going to Korea, the girls and I are going to Kentucky. We'll be leaving out somewhere in the middle of July. What an excellent time to be leaving nasty hot Tucson! Kentucky for 1 year, then England for 3. England! It's apparently pretty rural where we're going, but I'm hoping we'll like it/ There will be a lot of opportunities to travel abroad (and we will) so, even if I don't love the BASE we're going to, the chance to explore is one in a million.
And yet.
I'm a bit mopey. I will miss my family, my baby sister will be coming back to AZ in a few months (About a month and a half after I leave lol) And I don't get to see enough of her. I'll miss having my mom and dad for easy weekend company. I'll even miss (probably) this hot dry sun shine drenched weather (not too much I hope- right now I'm sick of it). I'm a little gloomy because this move means a whole nother year without my beloved. And then a whole three years while he adjusts to a jet that he's not used to working with, and that can allegedly be quite the Diva.
I'm afraid of losing the love of my life to a war, strife, or even accident. It's disturbing to me how much I've come to rely on the patience, understanding, and adoration I get from my devoted sweetie. I know it's a bit over the top for an old married lady to still be smoopy over her hubby, but I'm just lucky.
I'll try to keep everything up to date. The next few months, hell, the next four years promise to be... interesting.

Wednesday, May 20, 2009

cursing less

Mayhap I'll start less posts with sear words? I'd blame hanging around military folk- but it's really all me and my filthy mouth. I'm resolving to swear a little less, at least in print form. I promise nothing about the "pearls" A let fall from my mouth, since the instant I open it, my foot goes right in.

Rhode Island: 4 me: Zip

Dammit. 6 weeks. We're moving in JULY and it'll take 6 weeks for the birth cirtificate to get here. Flying by the seat of our pants or the skin of our teeth. Have I mentioned I seriously hate Rhode Islands department of health? I do, seriously deeply hate them.

Friday, May 15, 2009

feeling elderly

DAMMIT I'm not old yet! My back and my knees act up, I get friggin hot flashes. The other day? I brought a sweater with me to the movie theater 'cause I knew I'd get cold. WTF. I'm only 33!!!

pretty words

these are mine. The ideas, etc. I felt like sharing tho-
Something about him attracted lightening. Maybe his magnetic polarity was off. I don’t know. I know when he stood out in the dry kindling of sagebrush and opened his arms wide he was lit up from the inside out with a sudden glory of light from the heavens. For a moment – surreal glowing like an angel then it’d get to be too much for the both of them and he’d stand blackened and dejected on sand that had turned to crystalline glass. He jittered for hours afterward, his dark ruddy face shone with tears, alternately laughing with insanity and crying like a lost boy. He never was able to convey in words what it was like- that meeting of man and energy, just that it happened. It happened any time he was somewhere open, and when he invited it. I myself didn’t see it. This was a man of the desert, in some ways he was the definition of the sonorant desert, dry, hard, cracked and sand dusted through and through. His occasional smiles and laughter would wash the gullies of his face clean of lines for a moment, sure but he never really struck me as anything special- if anything he was hard and ugly in many ways. It wasn’t my place to judge the storms; I only knew they loved him for sure. They loved him fierce in a way that’d be sure to stop his heart one day.

Thursday, May 7, 2009


I was going to come over here to rant aimlessly about being friendless, unloved and horny. But I have a follower now. I believe that means I put my big girls panties on and "discuss" this. Poo.
Fine. Big words, and as few F bombs as I can manage. I'm lonesome. I am amazingly lucky to have the man I married also be my best friend, I'm also amazingly gifted to be close to my family. However? I need a girlfriend. A chick I can whine to about cramps, sex stuff that's only comprehensible to another female, point out cute guys to (heck if I'm lucky enough, point out cute girls to) A friend who is also either in a relationship or not actively on the market so we're on the same wavelength when it comes to relationships. Someone I can go out to fu.. (ahem) FRIGGIN coffee with- or get my hair/nails done with.

I've tried reaching out to old friends, but guess what? My last two best friends (that Are within the same State) are male. sure, neither poses a risk to me sexually (I'm not their type, not the right equipment) but they're both guys. And there's so much old s.. (ahem) STUFF there that it may make reconnecting what used to be great friendships - uncomfortable. This is unfortunate, but, whatever, I'll try real real hard to get past it- and I hope they can too.

This, however, does nothing to help me with the friends issue. I need a buddy, like- yesterday. I need a BF- if not F. Is this something one advertises for? I am a deeply socially awkward person. My tang gets toungled when I'm nervous or excited. This makes me sound phenomenally stupid to someone who doesn't see the wheels spinning at warp speed inside of my head. I have so many plates going in one conversation it's difficult to keep them all going. I know there's no such thing as a friggin Alpaca Goat- Alpaca are llama lookin things and the type of goat I covet is an Angora- but plates spin too fast to keep up with and you get "alpaca goat". I'm not at all dumb.. just tang toungled. I'm great at the initial "hiya" but I'm also a serious oversharer. I giggle when I'm nervous. I laugh at inappropriate seeming moments (see nervous). I am GREAT at sticking my foot in my mouth. (I used the words "death wish" around a very tired very sick old lady. NOT about her, mind you but near .. and.. yes I know that's.. deeply wrong)
I'm not good at admitting I'm wrong, or stopping apologizing. I'm good at empathy. And I listen quite well. I'll laugh at the jokes, and mirror body language. I'm also unreasonably picky, and I'm fickle. Spreading my attentions around, and avoiding potential invitations to further a friendship 'cause I'm scared.

Seriously.. Can I just advertise for my perfect friend lady? Does she even exist? is she cute?

Tuesday, May 5, 2009


Today, I clean! I am forcing my self to put on music and get proactive with my house. Yes, i'm still a little footsore- but so thefuck what?

Monday, May 4, 2009


I'm seriously tempted to go into a long speil about how my husband is crazy and I need to make more friends (apparently I need a higher ratio of female buddies) but instead?
I looked at Angora rabbit pictures.

Covet covet.

And Alpaca? Still want one. And deserve one for him trying to make me feel guilty about something that.. mmm nevermind look~


Sunday, May 3, 2009


Sure it hurt- not as much as i thought it would. I've spent years looking for just the right tat- just the right artist. I was so lucky to find this girl. This is what's been in my head for nearly a decade. On the left you can see the black koi perfectly hides the first "tat" I got (when I was 17)- Not art more like body graffiti. I am beyond words pleased. The symbolism of koi swimming upstream, dreaming of becoming dragons. This has meant something to me for some time- and Now that my journey to become the awesome person I always wanted to be has begun- getting this gorgeous art is defiantly going to help me along the way.

Warning viewers: If you enlarge the pictures they're big- Ihave only slightly cropped and resized them. AND my computer space is messy. I don't clean my "office" as often as I should.

Saturday, May 2, 2009

this is gonna hurt

ANd it's totally my slightly delayed b-day gift! THE gift of pain! I'm getting my tattoo tomorrow. Pictures posted as soon as it heals. Wish me much-o luck!!

Friday, May 1, 2009

screw you RI

Seriously this is now the FOURTH time I've sent Rhode Island paperwork for a name change for the elder child. They just keep dicking me around. First it's ooo they lost my records.. then it's that they didn't get enough money (and yet never contacted me) Now.. I supposidly didn't send in the right paper. FUCK. RI.