Saturday, December 12, 2009


Opps. After a long and fucking cold day I decided to seek solace in intoxication. I am enjoying both being an "easy date" at 2 shots being enough to make me giddy and the freedom of emotion it grants me. Now mind you blogging while drunk is probably about as smart as drunk dialing your friend (humm I wonder what time it is in California...) but I'm finally feeling free enough to allow myself to feel. I've had a seriously suck ass December. SO! Logic be damned - grammer and spelling can fuck thermselves. Cursing? I'm sorry my one lonely follower I will be swearing up a storm. I enjoy cursing. Cussing is fucking fun. So like it or lick it. I'm fuckinjg cussing.

I cried. I spoke to my husband all of twice on the phone and I got to see some of my amazingly huge extended family at the "event" Viewing, rosary, "proper" funeral, eulagies, bariel the whole works. WOW! First off! Save my family the trouble. All that hoopla is kinda boring. The best p[art of being there was the chance to re connect. The chance to grieve with my extended family, the chance to remember Nonnie as she deserved. All the pomp and citrcumstance was awful. The only good part was the eulogies my dad and his brothers shared. I'd like people to share stories of my life. I'd like them to get royally drunk and have a good time. I DO NOT WANT any of this bu;;shit scary cerimony. I kno9w it's a comfort for the few reliugiously minded. But c'mon!!!

I did enjoy drinking Beilys and cocunt rum outside the viewing to numb the shock of seeing my grandmothers empty shell. But..but.. but...

Goog god there's such a macabe aspect to viewing the dead body of someone you loved someone you knew someone who once flipped you off over a bill.

Yeah. I'd prefer to share happy stories, sad stories. To get rollicking rocking drunk and have a time with family I havn't seen since forever. But;. It was worth it. Worth the fear factor. To comfort Mary, to hug people I havn';t seen since forever (Tommys funeral? A random Thanksgiving?) To remember my str54ong roots, my amazing ties. To realize that part of the reason I go through so much for MY family and MY husband is the strong values passed down a generation from this amazing strong woman. This weak empty shell- I'd have been better off not seeing. I'd rather remember. Ash me oh -please god ash me my family.

Yeah I should quit ranting now!!