Monday, August 26, 2013

Where did I get off to?

 So it's been since very early spring since I posted. You see winter finally buggered off and it brought on the longest bit of hot summer weather folks around here have seen in some time. Almost all of july was hot. I'm talking 80 degrees, some days got all the way up to 90 hot. Folks sweat, folks moaned. I sat in the sun and blissed out so completely I almost forgot.

We got orders for our next move, and for a time I was ecstatic. We were going to San Antonio Texas. This is a place my husband and I dreamed of retiring to. This was a place with good schools and good houses and good... everything. And just when everything looked like it was going to be gravy and jam and sunshine and rainbows we were given a last minute diversion. My husband was allowed to pick from 6 bases (4 of which we were okay with but NONE were ones we really really wanted) which was to be our new new home. I cried. I moaned. The girls cried. The husband bitched and groaned. And now we're going instead to a teeny tiny base out in the middle of no mans land in upstate California. Beale. Because his job will be "easier" there. Not because it'd be good for the rest of us. Nope. He just is tired of shagging ass every day and if he has to work somewhere that's not his dream he'd rather not work himself to death.

I have to respect that. I wanted one of the Carolinas or Georgia (closer to places I know and like) but the job there would be similar to the job here and he's exhausted with the job here. So, California it is.

To say I'm... less then pleased is overstating the thing.

Regardless. The saying goes "Bloom where you're planted" and while I may well refuse to bloom, since I'm a delicate fucking flower and prone to whining about everything, I shall adapt. I'm reasonably ok at adapting.

My teenager has been acting like a typical teenage girl. She found a boyfriend. She's had a few boyfriends now, and a girlfriend or two. Thus far her relationships have been perfectly acceptable. However she got herself caught up in a romance with a 19 (or is he 20?.. Regardless he's pretty much a kid too) year old enlisted boy. The military kind of looks down on underage (Even though she's 17, she's still underage!) Folks with their above legal age air people. So we had to break up the relationship with much fighting and drama from the teenager who accused us, the military, and me in particular of many awful things. Mostly, she cried.

Again, it's underestimating things to say that too distressed me a bit.

I'm overwhelmed. Quite at the end of my rope. If "god only gives you what he thinks you can handle" well then God is an ass and I don't like him much at the moment. It's rather a good thing I prefer to be an agnostic or my faith would be taking a bit of a blow with the latest developments.

All our nice warm weather blew away a couple weeks ago. I've been too busy fretting over changes and the move and the teenager to be bothered by the sudden drop in sunshine per day.

My sleep schedule is a hot mess, my hair is thinning, and I've been rather unwell feeling all due to stress. Kind of wish I had somehow managed to pick up a friend somewhere along the way just so I'd have someone to whine at about all this. The hubs isn't much of a sounding board since he's going through just as much if not more stress and frustration too.

I have a couple of buddies in Sacramento and Napa Vally so at least I'm not venturing into the unknown. And I'm really trying to locate and appreciate the bright side of the move. Right now I kind of just want it over and done with. I am partially anxious that they'll change things all over again. There's still a Month that they can screw us over in, after all. And I REFUSE to get excited until I'm fucking there. Then I can try to fall in love with my new location.

Mostly I'm mad. I'm mad that we lost San Antonio. It was a beautiful dream, and nearly a beautiful reality. I'm mad that of all the relationships my teenager could choose to get tangled in she choose one that would cause maximum drama and strife. I'm mad that I'm not coping better with things that are naturally occurring parts of life.

I'm mad as hell right now and I have nowhere to go and vent out my rage and frustration.

So I'm here instead. Blogging on my FAR underused blog. Writing into the ether of nothingness that is the internet and wondering if anyone even hears me.