good morning

The sun rose this morning.

I know it rises every morning. That's what it's supposed to do. For the first time in what seems forever I NOTICED it had risen. With the short winter days there were mornings I was accompanying my younger daughter to her bus stop in pitch black. This morning was pink. The sky turned sixteen different colors of mother of pearl. There was a glow, a gorgous glorious glow.

Spring may still be a little ways off, but I've found hope. Hope for this moment, in this day. Knowing the sun is going to rise.
It's going to be okay.

OMG

OMG rant! WARNING! Ranty! WELL! IRS issued us our tax return. And that'd be great if I could actually deposit the fucking check! It goes over our online deposit total (by a few hundred dollars) SO I have to WAIT for them to send me deposit envelopes. Then I have to wait for them to GET the deposit I send them all before Ian can buy his ticket, either wait until they get it, or until payday. This sucks, it means our little visit will be cut into a shorter bite- 3 weeks. 2-3 instead of 4. As if it isn't going to be hard enough. Can't cash the check- it has both our names on it. and we only have an account with USAA.

Fuck.

Vaping > smoking

I vape. I gave up smoking "regular" tar based cigs to vape on electronic ciggarettes. I've tried more times then I can count to kick the tar habit. These little things are doing it for me. I'm proud to have kicked tar and still have something I inhale and exhale. Vapor produced by ecigs comes from glycerin. It's gorgeous, and doesn't gunk up my lungs. It's also very pretty to look at. I'm posting some pictures as an example.

This photo shoot was inspired by the Great Puffy over at Vape with puff. She's in my link area over there <~~~

Tooth fairy

She has three loose teeth! THREE! The tooth fairy needs to start putting $$ aside for all these teeth the youngest miss is getting set to loose. I have no idea how she'll chew her food!

Kitty

This is elder daughters true love. His name is Pablo. He's part tabby, part Maine coon, all big spoiled baby.

This cat will allow you to torment him for hours, scratch his tummy, pet him backward, and will eat just about anything. He's a "healthy" 18 pounds and roughly 3 years old. This is a good kitteh.

This said. If he wakes me up at midnight practicing for the opera again I may freak out. Must remember. This is my daughters baby.

Snow..more

I should be sleeping. I should rest and relax. My ADD is giving me anxiety. Trying so hard to get things done accomplishes nothing. Need to clean, want to write. I'm not strong against my stupid brain. Depression, anxiety, lonliness.

Switching over to ecigs has been easy enough, but I wish I could get everything else together this easy. No, instead everything is a queasy crazy mess. My weight is all over the place, I'm over my healthy BMI weight, just a touch, but there it is. Motivation is a lost art, not that it's ever been easy. I dislike this seasonal affective thing, or cabin feaver, or hard transition THING. Call it what you will I dislike it very muchly.

I feel vapid, almost empty of thought. I am a woman who lives almost exclusivly in her head, so to have an empty head? frightening! I think, no thought, deep wonderous thoughts. Now? Very very little. Make THIS moment pass faster. Make THIS day go past. Make THIS time a little less lonely by distracting my flutterfly mind with something anything other then the ultimate fact that I'm not good alone.

Not good by myself. Not that I'm alone. They fill up the quiet spaces, certainly with their clutter and their noise. The love I have for these two amazing girls is deep and amazing, and it nourishes me enough, a little, and sadly sometimes not at all.

I'll admit to being selfish. I am. I'm prone to throwing a tantrum and waving my impotent little fists at the sky when I don't get what I want. Right now I want an equil measure of two very important things. WARM sunshine in the out of doors and my beloved in my bed, in my arms. I don't have these things. Que mini tantrum.

One, the other, and/or both I'll get. Soon. soon. soon.

I can't hear you over how awesome I am

Skimming other blogs I was reminded of the last time I went out. Last year, before we left AZ, I talked my poor darling husband into getting dressed up with me and going out. His idea of dressed up is a suit, or something "nice". Now, I have no issue with nice. But with all the formal, or semi formal A.F stuff, my idea of getting dressed up involves corsets.. or short skirts. By goodness that particular skirt was very nearly a belt. The boots were also sexah- can't see them in the shot but you'll take my word for it. They were hot.

And we went out looking for a goth club. Apparently the only goth club in Tucson was closed. SO! We went somewhere else. I was surrounded by girls in Little black dresses, guys in blazers BLAZERS for crimminy!. And you know what? I did not care. I looked so damn hot I was turning heads. I got propositioned a lot that night, I danced like I was dancing for the last time in my life. As a mom of two girls, one of which is following me in my corsetted big booted footsteps, I may well have been!!

I wanna go out again. I LOVE to dance. I love to feel free and gorgous. I don't even drink much. Mostly I just dance and grin like crazy.

And by giddy goodness I look hot dressed up.

winter whine

O winter. I dislike you.
I'm sick. Again.
I have put on a few pounds due to not wanting to move.
I need to clean house so it looks halfway decent before the end of the month. 30(ish) days before my beloved comes to visit for a month, then he's off again to Korea.
Winter is sucking my soul!I hates it so much. Cold, wet, slush, snow, ice, puddles that freeze over then disappear can all go hang. I miss warm. I miss warm. I seem to have caught some amazing combination of stomach bug and dry cough. The humidifier is helping with the cough, however if I visit the bathroom again I may well die.
Did I mention that I need to clean?
MEH!!!!!

However. It's been long enough without a cigarette that I'm feeling confident. I'm useing a personal vaporiser- i.e. E-cig to get small amounts of nicotine and replicate the smoking experience. I like that I can get vapor liquids in lots of yummy flavors. I know I'm still addicted to nicotine, I'll handle that problem later. I've kicked TAR in the arse, and all those other additives in ciggys are out of my life.