Tooth fairy

She has three loose teeth! THREE! The tooth fairy needs to start putting $$ aside for all these teeth the youngest miss is getting set to loose. I have no idea how she'll chew her food!

Kitty

This is elder daughters true love. His name is Pablo. He's part tabby, part Maine coon, all big spoiled baby.

This cat will allow you to torment him for hours, scratch his tummy, pet him backward, and will eat just about anything. He's a "healthy" 18 pounds and roughly 3 years old. This is a good kitteh.

This said. If he wakes me up at midnight practicing for the opera again I may freak out. Must remember. This is my daughters baby.

Snow..more

I should be sleeping. I should rest and relax. My ADD is giving me anxiety. Trying so hard to get things done accomplishes nothing. Need to clean, want to write. I'm not strong against my stupid brain. Depression, anxiety, lonliness.

Switching over to ecigs has been easy enough, but I wish I could get everything else together this easy. No, instead everything is a queasy crazy mess. My weight is all over the place, I'm over my healthy BMI weight, just a touch, but there it is. Motivation is a lost art, not that it's ever been easy. I dislike this seasonal affective thing, or cabin feaver, or hard transition THING. Call it what you will I dislike it very muchly.

I feel vapid, almost empty of thought. I am a woman who lives almost exclusivly in her head, so to have an empty head? frightening! I think, no thought, deep wonderous thoughts. Now? Very very little. Make THIS moment pass faster. Make THIS day go past. Make THIS time a little less lonely by distracting my flutterfly mind with something anything other then the ultimate fact that I'm not good alone.

Not good by myself. Not that I'm alone. They fill up the quiet spaces, certainly with their clutter and their noise. The love I have for these two amazing girls is deep and amazing, and it nourishes me enough, a little, and sadly sometimes not at all.

I'll admit to being selfish. I am. I'm prone to throwing a tantrum and waving my impotent little fists at the sky when I don't get what I want. Right now I want an equil measure of two very important things. WARM sunshine in the out of doors and my beloved in my bed, in my arms. I don't have these things. Que mini tantrum.

One, the other, and/or both I'll get. Soon. soon. soon.

I can't hear you over how awesome I am

Skimming other blogs I was reminded of the last time I went out. Last year, before we left AZ, I talked my poor darling husband into getting dressed up with me and going out. His idea of dressed up is a suit, or something "nice". Now, I have no issue with nice. But with all the formal, or semi formal A.F stuff, my idea of getting dressed up involves corsets.. or short skirts. By goodness that particular skirt was very nearly a belt. The boots were also sexah- can't see them in the shot but you'll take my word for it. They were hot.

And we went out looking for a goth club. Apparently the only goth club in Tucson was closed. SO! We went somewhere else. I was surrounded by girls in Little black dresses, guys in blazers BLAZERS for crimminy!. And you know what? I did not care. I looked so damn hot I was turning heads. I got propositioned a lot that night, I danced like I was dancing for the last time in my life. As a mom of two girls, one of which is following me in my corsetted big booted footsteps, I may well have been!!

I wanna go out again. I LOVE to dance. I love to feel free and gorgous. I don't even drink much. Mostly I just dance and grin like crazy.

And by giddy goodness I look hot dressed up.

winter whine

O winter. I dislike you.
I'm sick. Again.
I have put on a few pounds due to not wanting to move.
I need to clean house so it looks halfway decent before the end of the month. 30(ish) days before my beloved comes to visit for a month, then he's off again to Korea.
Winter is sucking my soul!I hates it so much. Cold, wet, slush, snow, ice, puddles that freeze over then disappear can all go hang. I miss warm. I miss warm. I seem to have caught some amazing combination of stomach bug and dry cough. The humidifier is helping with the cough, however if I visit the bathroom again I may well die.
Did I mention that I need to clean?
MEH!!!!!

However. It's been long enough without a cigarette that I'm feeling confident. I'm useing a personal vaporiser- i.e. E-cig to get small amounts of nicotine and replicate the smoking experience. I like that I can get vapor liquids in lots of yummy flavors. I know I'm still addicted to nicotine, I'll handle that problem later. I've kicked TAR in the arse, and all those other additives in ciggys are out of my life.

a-muse-ed

I'm great at starting. I can start a story, a dozen stories. Finishing? No. I have tried every trick. I try writing short. Story boarding, etcetc. And then it leaves. The whisp of muse, the idea that THIS one THIS story will be the one. The one I finish, the one I edit, the one I treasure. I have this delusion that not only will I finish one (i've submitted unfinished, and sketchily finished ones) I'll SUBMIT a finished one. A complete beginnning middle end story will not only happen for me, but be the one that helps make me the writer everyone seeems to believe I am.

I have the ability to create beauty. I am as sure of that as I am of breathing. But am I capable of producing (ever) a finished product? do I fear finishing anything more substansial then a poem? It's not length or substance. I find myself as comfortable with horror as I am with romance, though I'm smoopier then I like to admit with my "sweet" stories. I think it's the looking. I shouldn't look back at my story. I invariably do. Instead of pressing forward (as I should, oh I should) I dawdle and look over what I've written and inveitably all I can see is crap. The weak plot, the transparent charactors. the MANY many many spelling and gramattical mistakes.

I'm trying to conquer some of these fears by allowing myself my imperfections in blog form. by allowing myself to write myself in the moment, in my truth. Perhaps if I can forgive my mistakes, transperencies, and flaws- I can forgive those that show up in my written world. I just want to finish one.

Germany?!?!

First! Two weeks with no stinky tar in my lungs!

Second: Since I've added a couple of followers (hi guys!) I'll add a mini update before going into one of my usual rants.

My husband is active duty Air Force. He's away in Korea doing his job whilst I freeze my toes off here. We were looking to move to England next year.

But perhaps things have changed. It's not 100%. It's not even finalised, heck he hasn't even 100% said yes, but he WANTS to. He's perhaps got a chance at Germany. Now this was the base HE wanted from the start. I lean a little closer to Spain, Italy, and England- but Germany looks pretty great too. ANYWHERE overseas- you know? But I had the girls geared up for England. And, being a big Doctor Who fan, a giggling silly head over Brit accents, and watching BBC pretty regularly the Teenager is bummed. She wanted to be a Brit. To try out learning a cute accent. And I feel bad for her- really I do. England (the area we were heading to) had temperatures comparable to those we've been getting in Kentucky- but more regular without as many deep dips into freezing. It looks like the area of Germany we'll be heading to runs a little cooler. Again comparable to Kentucky but cooler then England.

My husband is REALLY trying to sell me on the idea. I told him it was fine. And it IS. I don't want anyone to think I'm anything less then thankful to explore other parts of the world.
That said? I was getting a little excited over England too. No need to learn a new language. I'm LAZY. BBC and London? cool. Accents.. are you kidding me? A good British or Scottish accent literally dampens my panties. It's sad, but true. I don't have the same reaction to German accents. BUT.

I'll wait until I have final word. No reason to get psyched up over it if it doesn't happen. No reason to build one up or the other down. I've filled the kids in on there being a chance of change. Elder DD is bummed younger DD still wants us to go to China- but is excited about EVERYTHING. And in the meantime? I guess it's time to dig up those German learning tapes we bought when the hubs was first trying to get us to Germany. it's what HE wants- and ultimately since he's the one who'll be working over there his choice is final.