I am/was teh geek

Welp. Hubs is home for his visit. And so, since I'll be blogging ver ver little I will instead give you sad humilating pictures of meself! FUN!

Let's start young and work up. K?

Rope swing. Made of rope. awesome rolled pants and a juice stain on my shirt. I was a winner

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This haircut? Made possible by being left alone for all of a few seconds with a sissors. According to mom it was the day right before this picture too. I alos loved those brown mary janes more then life.

Then I went through a cute phase. I'll spare you THOSE pictures. Who want to look at CUTE pictures?

Then puberty happned. My nose became so large for my face my mom got me a cat. She figured at least something would love me , my buck teeth and my unfortunate odd shape.

And then the dreaded teenage years. Seriously. I was so sexah.

good morning

The sun rose this morning.

I know it rises every morning. That's what it's supposed to do. For the first time in what seems forever I NOTICED it had risen. With the short winter days there were mornings I was accompanying my younger daughter to her bus stop in pitch black. This morning was pink. The sky turned sixteen different colors of mother of pearl. There was a glow, a gorgous glorious glow.

Spring may still be a little ways off, but I've found hope. Hope for this moment, in this day. Knowing the sun is going to rise.
It's going to be okay.

OMG

OMG rant! WARNING! Ranty! WELL! IRS issued us our tax return. And that'd be great if I could actually deposit the fucking check! It goes over our online deposit total (by a few hundred dollars) SO I have to WAIT for them to send me deposit envelopes. Then I have to wait for them to GET the deposit I send them all before Ian can buy his ticket, either wait until they get it, or until payday. This sucks, it means our little visit will be cut into a shorter bite- 3 weeks. 2-3 instead of 4. As if it isn't going to be hard enough. Can't cash the check- it has both our names on it. and we only have an account with USAA.

Fuck.

Vaping > smoking

I vape. I gave up smoking "regular" tar based cigs to vape on electronic ciggarettes. I've tried more times then I can count to kick the tar habit. These little things are doing it for me. I'm proud to have kicked tar and still have something I inhale and exhale. Vapor produced by ecigs comes from glycerin. It's gorgeous, and doesn't gunk up my lungs. It's also very pretty to look at. I'm posting some pictures as an example.

This photo shoot was inspired by the Great Puffy over at Vape with puff. She's in my link area over there <~~~

Tooth fairy

She has three loose teeth! THREE! The tooth fairy needs to start putting $$ aside for all these teeth the youngest miss is getting set to loose. I have no idea how she'll chew her food!

Kitty

This is elder daughters true love. His name is Pablo. He's part tabby, part Maine coon, all big spoiled baby.

This cat will allow you to torment him for hours, scratch his tummy, pet him backward, and will eat just about anything. He's a "healthy" 18 pounds and roughly 3 years old. This is a good kitteh.

This said. If he wakes me up at midnight practicing for the opera again I may freak out. Must remember. This is my daughters baby.

Snow..more

I should be sleeping. I should rest and relax. My ADD is giving me anxiety. Trying so hard to get things done accomplishes nothing. Need to clean, want to write. I'm not strong against my stupid brain. Depression, anxiety, lonliness.

Switching over to ecigs has been easy enough, but I wish I could get everything else together this easy. No, instead everything is a queasy crazy mess. My weight is all over the place, I'm over my healthy BMI weight, just a touch, but there it is. Motivation is a lost art, not that it's ever been easy. I dislike this seasonal affective thing, or cabin feaver, or hard transition THING. Call it what you will I dislike it very muchly.

I feel vapid, almost empty of thought. I am a woman who lives almost exclusivly in her head, so to have an empty head? frightening! I think, no thought, deep wonderous thoughts. Now? Very very little. Make THIS moment pass faster. Make THIS day go past. Make THIS time a little less lonely by distracting my flutterfly mind with something anything other then the ultimate fact that I'm not good alone.

Not good by myself. Not that I'm alone. They fill up the quiet spaces, certainly with their clutter and their noise. The love I have for these two amazing girls is deep and amazing, and it nourishes me enough, a little, and sadly sometimes not at all.

I'll admit to being selfish. I am. I'm prone to throwing a tantrum and waving my impotent little fists at the sky when I don't get what I want. Right now I want an equil measure of two very important things. WARM sunshine in the out of doors and my beloved in my bed, in my arms. I don't have these things. Que mini tantrum.

One, the other, and/or both I'll get. Soon. soon. soon.