Friday, November 9, 2012

Fuck you, qunioa

Dear Quinoa,

I get that you are a complete grain. I understand that you are healthy and full of protein.

However,  one would be led to think you were made of magic gold yummy happy sauce if you go look at all the health food recipes cropping up. To be honest, Quinoa,  I don't like you. No matter how I soak you, brine you, steam you, bake you, or prepare you you taste bitter and nasty. Your texture is just "wrong" on my tongue.  I'd rather use a slightly lesser grain and add some protein somewhere else to make up for you, and your utter yuckiness

Oh but heaven forbid I say anything. "Qunioa is full of happy magic rainbow unicorns" The healthy food elitists say "Quinoa has more protein then a bucket full of salmon seamen!"

Well they can HAVE you. If no one ever re-pins another picture of your freaky ass on pintrest it'll be too soon,Quinoa. I think you're disgusting.

Can people make some recipes without you? I can't even find them anymore! Oooh this is supposed to be healthy, let's invite quinoa to the party. It'll funk everything up! BLUUUGH!

WHAT DID YOU DO? Did you brain wash these silly wheat grass guzzling bitches somehow?

I'm not a 5 star cook, by any means. I can make an egg, and a white sauce. I can steam, fry, and bake well enough to feed myself. But I can NOT improve you, quinoa. You are a bitter disgusting grain. I don't care how magical you are. I refuse to eat you.

In conclusion, FUCK you quinoa. Fuck you straight to the bowls and bowels of hell.

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