The topic of the day is weather, and my over all feelings about living out here. My Feelings on Germany, and an in general rant on life, living, and that which is.
Germany. I have not experienced you to the fullest. Nor shall I. I couldn't learn the language, and to be honest I didn't try hard enough. German is a harsh and unattractive sounding language. There are a lot of complex compound words and fun added letters (like that B/Z thing that sounds sorta like a double s) in you. I couldn't fall in love with the language. I may have tackled french, Spanish, or Italian. German, not so much.
Part of my problem with living here is my location. I'm a half an hour drive from local German markets. I have an on base grocery store where they speak English and carry mostly American imported products. If I want German products (and there are a LOT I like) I have to go for a drive. In the summer, late spring or early Fall this isn't so much an issue. Although we are a one car household and the hubs works a Bazillion hours a week we've worked out a system of car sharing that works for us.
Winter. That cruel chill mistress is my problem. I have serious seasonal effective disorder. I can't drive well on icy roads and I'm not as experienced a driver as many others. I don't drive well in "weather" which is all we really GET in the winter. rain snow sleet, hail, fog, gloom, oh gawds the WEATHER.
So come winter my driving and desire to GO out diminishes. If I want my out of town goodies I beg the hubs to drive me or just do without.
I'm not a fan of weather. Snow certainly LOOKS pretty out the window As I sit curled up next to my "happy lamp" whimpering for sunshine. Ice sparkles quite merrily falling from the sky. Rain refreshes the fertile ground and those first spikes of frost chill the grapes that are used to make ice wine, my absolute favorite alcoholic treat.
The Christmas markets here are utter magic. The sudden appearance of tiny decorated booths in the cities, stocked with hot mulled wine, interesting foods, hot fries and curried ketchup for dipping. The music and ATMOSPHERE! Make Christmas worth looking forward to. All of late November and Early December these Markets help stave off the bitterness that is winter for me. Just the promise of going to one is enough to calm my temper and soothe my soul. I'm okay in early winter. It's cold. It's gross, but GLUVINE! <3 all="all" awaits.="awaits." breaths="breaths" christmas="christmas" em="em" hold="hold" nbsp="nbsp" next="next" of="of" our="our" out="out" passes.="passes." plotting="plotting" sparkle="sparkle" style="background-color: white; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: small; font-style: normal; font-weight: bold; line-height: 23.636363983154297px;" the="the" then="then" we="we">anniversary3>
. It'll be Ten years this time. That's a BIG FUCKING DEAL you guys. But once January first or whenever after we've deemed to celebrate passes, that's when the doldrums set in.
January and February are long sad spans of cold and nothing and cold and want. I spend all of it longing for sunshine. I spend all of it regretting our decisions to push for international travel. I spend all of it sad. So. Damn. Sad. The last two years I've talked the husband into a March Vacation. By March I'm limp. I'm winter weary. I want to go HOME. I want to see someone I love other then my little 4 person household. The last two years it's worked fine.
I don't know if it will this year.
We're leaving here sometime next year. We have ONE year left out here in Germany. And as much as he likes to make promises I don't think we'll see much more then we've seen. Not unless I push and pull and tug and force and BOSS my way into getting it. I get called BOSSY and Pushy, and domineering a lot by my family, but they'd do NOTHING interesting if it weren't for my spirit and drive. the whole lazy lot of them would sit around and bitch and moan and never go ANYWHERE interesting. I, on the other hand, have Europe right here. A short flight,long train ride or LONG car drive away. I have the other half of the globe to explore, and BY god I shall.
This year (and next) Before we flee: I want to see the Mediterranean ocean. I WILL see Ireland in the summer, I want to go to London, I want to hit France and Italy again. ROME! And if I can, if I can, if I CAN I'd love to see Greece. But Greece, for some reason is scary to the husband. The economy and state of affairs is a bit too unstable for mister dedicated military. It's the same reason I won't be going to Egypt. Le sigh.
To be honest. I'm ready to go to my next home and make it home. I'm ready to set down roots of a slightly more permanent nature. I'm ready to speak the native tongue again. I'm so tired of speaking the language badly. I'm so tired of having to go so far for simple small things. I'm tired of bad coffee. Oh SO tired of bad coffee.
I want to be an entitled American again. Connivance within a 10 minute drive again. Coffee shops on every corner again. Hopefully, sunshine more days of the year again. A pool at the gym again.
Fall fell. The leaves, glorious and short lived have all but some tumbled to the ground in soggy sodden masses. The glory of October (and it really is one of my favorite Months out here) burned out magnificently. And now it's gone. The end of fall was ushered in with wet snow flakes and a week of gloom. Winter is coming. Winter is almost here. I'm not ready. I'm not prepared. I'm scared shitless, to be honest with you. But I'm going to *try* to get the most out of it. Because it is going to be my last "German" winter. It's going to be my last "foreign" winter (if the military wills it so) for a long time. Because it's my last here, I'll try. I'll try. To find beauty in that which I abhor. I'll attempt to find peace with my issues. I'll try to find a way to make it through. Because next year? Next year everything is going to start changing. Next year we find OUT. Next year we get assigned somewhere new. NEXT YEAR! We go home. Where ever that may be.