drat

I was going to come over here to rant aimlessly about being friendless, unloved and horny. But I have a follower now. I believe that means I put my big girls panties on and "discuss" this. Poo.
Fine. Big words, and as few F bombs as I can manage. I'm lonesome. I am amazingly lucky to have the man I married also be my best friend, I'm also amazingly gifted to be close to my family. However? I need a girlfriend. A chick I can whine to about cramps, sex stuff that's only comprehensible to another female, point out cute guys to (heck if I'm lucky enough, point out cute girls to) A friend who is also either in a relationship or not actively on the market so we're on the same wavelength when it comes to relationships. Someone I can go out to fu.. (ahem) FRIGGIN coffee with- or get my hair/nails done with.

I've tried reaching out to old friends, but guess what? My last two best friends (that Are within the same State) are male. sure, neither poses a risk to me sexually (I'm not their type, not the right equipment) but they're both guys. And there's so much old s.. (ahem) STUFF there that it may make reconnecting what used to be great friendships - uncomfortable. This is unfortunate, but, whatever, I'll try real real hard to get past it- and I hope they can too.

This, however, does nothing to help me with the friends issue. I need a buddy, like- yesterday. I need a BF- if not F. Is this something one advertises for? I am a deeply socially awkward person. My tang gets toungled when I'm nervous or excited. This makes me sound phenomenally stupid to someone who doesn't see the wheels spinning at warp speed inside of my head. I have so many plates going in one conversation it's difficult to keep them all going. I know there's no such thing as a friggin Alpaca Goat- Alpaca are llama lookin things and the type of goat I covet is an Angora- but plates spin too fast to keep up with and you get "alpaca goat". I'm not at all dumb.. just tang toungled. I'm great at the initial "hiya" but I'm also a serious oversharer. I giggle when I'm nervous. I laugh at inappropriate seeming moments (see nervous). I am GREAT at sticking my foot in my mouth. (I used the words "death wish" around a very tired very sick old lady. NOT about her, mind you but near .. and.. yes I know that's.. deeply wrong)
I'm not good at admitting I'm wrong, or stopping apologizing. I'm good at empathy. And I listen quite well. I'll laugh at the jokes, and mirror body language. I'm also unreasonably picky, and I'm fickle. Spreading my attentions around, and avoiding potential invitations to further a friendship 'cause I'm scared.

Seriously.. Can I just advertise for my perfect friend lady? Does she even exist? is she cute?