Thursday, May 19, 2011


Ah! Depression! My old "friend" I had so hoped you'd gone away for the season. But I see you were there, just waiting to sneak up on me. Just biding your time. My daughter will be getting the Paris trip I *Wanted* to have for my anniversary, for a school trip. And I'm VERY VERY happy for her. This is the kind of memory no amount of money can buy. She'll have so. much. fun.

But I'm upset too. I had for force the bit of my trip that worked to work. It cost us too much, and we did very little other then see the eiffel tower. It was ruined by my spouses inability to follow directions and my impatience with him. I made the day worthwhile. I suppose. But apparently me feeling pretty makes him grumpy. And him driving like an asshole and talking about how "stupid" France is makes me grumpy pants. When we go out if I don't force a smile every moment he throws a tantrum. I'm tired of pretending to be happy. ok? I'm exhausted. I can't imagine the rest of my life with someone who hates everything so. damn. much. And..

I don't know. I'm depressed. My mail is delayed by 5 days now. My life is BORING! I can't do school except online. I miss class rooms. I miss having friends. I miss hugs and discussions. I miss..

I feel like coming out here was a bad decision. Like pushing him to go to Korea as a bad decision. Like.. everything I've DONE! except switch to vaping has been a bad decision.

I need a real flesh and blood and HERE! Right the FUCK here so I can have a hug.. friend.

I don't know if I can take another two and a half years of this shit.


  1. I don't suppose a 'Clive Hug' will help much, but I am sending one anyway :)

  2. Hey Lady Mac, there is not much for me to say. Clive sent you the hug... I guess I will give you a virtual pat on the back.

    Not feeling pity for you but trying to give you some comfort.