Wow! This morning I go amazing news. Medical clearance has been granted. My husband should haver orders next week, and be home VERY soon after. I'm relieved and happy today.
Today is also the last day of this project. Talk about strange coincidences! Anyway. On to the letter. This should be an interesting attempt. Probably a bit weak though.
Hello Amber,
Look at you! A bit battered around the edges. And you've changed since this all started. The hair looks great by the way! Purple is a good color for you. You're doing fine. I can see the stress and the strain. The deeper bags under your eyes. The new lines between your brows. But, you still look strong. you still look determined. You still look good.
I'm pretty proud of me, think I did pretty good. I kept to my project, for the most part. I kept most of my promises. I stressed and struggled a lot the last few months, but look! Here we are!
Sooner now. It's in the wind. The future is out there waiting to be grasped like a kite. What does the next journey hold for me? I' pretty excited. I CAN handle this.
Look at me.
Still there.
Ready for anything.
Saturday, September 25, 2010
Friday, September 24, 2010
30 days of letters, day 29: The person you want to tell everything to, but are too afraid to.
Bug,
You'd think after 7 years I'd be comfortable telling you every little thing. I still hold back. I STILL get scared. I second and third guess the things I want to talk to you about. You're more sensitive then you let on. You're more fragile then you're willing to admit. I Dislike it when you get cold and withdrawn on topics. OR worse, ignore something simply because it makes you a little uncomfortable. At least tell me when a topic hits your discomfort level? I'll try not to judge you. You were raised a LOT more conservatively then I was and you're still learning to be open minded. But of all people to discuss everything with we should trust one another.
So, out of fear of you judging me. Or worse turning me down cold, I withold parts of myself. Te darker stranger parts I keep to myself. Because I'm sure, positive, so so sure you'll not only dislike them, but in the end dislike me.
I'm sorry.
~A
You'd think after 7 years I'd be comfortable telling you every little thing. I still hold back. I STILL get scared. I second and third guess the things I want to talk to you about. You're more sensitive then you let on. You're more fragile then you're willing to admit. I Dislike it when you get cold and withdrawn on topics. OR worse, ignore something simply because it makes you a little uncomfortable. At least tell me when a topic hits your discomfort level? I'll try not to judge you. You were raised a LOT more conservatively then I was and you're still learning to be open minded. But of all people to discuss everything with we should trust one another.
So, out of fear of you judging me. Or worse turning me down cold, I withold parts of myself. Te darker stranger parts I keep to myself. Because I'm sure, positive, so so sure you'll not only dislike them, but in the end dislike me.
I'm sorry.
~A
Thursday, September 23, 2010
30 days of letters, day 28: someone that changed your life
Just one someone?!?! Blargh!
Ok ok. Although this is yet another potential multi person letter project I've been pretty bad at not not writing full proper letters. SO! Just for the sake of writing a proper letter to a proper somebody I'm going to write this letter.
Moon,
Happy 16th birthday Autumn-Moon. You are an amazing sweet and strange child! I've learned so much, knowing you, having you for a sister, a friend, a guide, and a daughter. 16 years ago I gave birth to you. 16 years ago I gave you to my parents to love and nurture. I wish I'd had the strength to raise you myself, but they've done a magnificent job.
Your "disabilities" asperger, and minor CP made me afraid to get to know you better for a long time. The ache of being too self involved when you were young has hit home hard for me now that I've "grown up" and am raising your sisters.
Happy birthday Moon unit! I DO love you. I was so happy to talk to you this morning. I promise we'll never loose touch. And I know you've forgiven me for giving you up. I'm still working on forgiving myself, but I truly feel you're better now then you would have been with my selfish self involved barely 18 year old self as your mom.
You helped me grow. You remind me that weakness can be strength. And apparent strength can be weakness.
Happy birthday.
Oh and remember: DON'T LET MOM TEACH YOU TO DRIVE! She's a nutter behind the wheel!
~me
Ok ok. Although this is yet another potential multi person letter project I've been pretty bad at not not writing full proper letters. SO! Just for the sake of writing a proper letter to a proper somebody I'm going to write this letter.
Moon,
Happy 16th birthday Autumn-Moon. You are an amazing sweet and strange child! I've learned so much, knowing you, having you for a sister, a friend, a guide, and a daughter. 16 years ago I gave birth to you. 16 years ago I gave you to my parents to love and nurture. I wish I'd had the strength to raise you myself, but they've done a magnificent job.
Your "disabilities" asperger, and minor CP made me afraid to get to know you better for a long time. The ache of being too self involved when you were young has hit home hard for me now that I've "grown up" and am raising your sisters.
Happy birthday Moon unit! I DO love you. I was so happy to talk to you this morning. I promise we'll never loose touch. And I know you've forgiven me for giving you up. I'm still working on forgiving myself, but I truly feel you're better now then you would have been with my selfish self involved barely 18 year old self as your mom.
You helped me grow. You remind me that weakness can be strength. And apparent strength can be weakness.
Happy birthday.
Oh and remember: DON'T LET MOM TEACH YOU TO DRIVE! She's a nutter behind the wheel!
~me
Tuesday, September 21, 2010
30 days of letters day 27: The friendliest person you knew for only one day
Humm
Nope here's yet another unwritable letter. Every friendly person I've truly enjoyed the company of I've known for more then one day. Sometimes it's just a week, but it's always more then one day. I like networking and connecting. I have no problem adding someone to my contact list if I enjoy talking to them.
Also? I'm incredibly friendly myself. I have no problem striking up interesting brief conversation. There are far too many one hour talks to list the temporary friends all at once.
I'll just say "thanks" to my random interesting "friends".
:) Thanks for the chat!
Nope here's yet another unwritable letter. Every friendly person I've truly enjoyed the company of I've known for more then one day. Sometimes it's just a week, but it's always more then one day. I like networking and connecting. I have no problem adding someone to my contact list if I enjoy talking to them.
Also? I'm incredibly friendly myself. I have no problem striking up interesting brief conversation. There are far too many one hour talks to list the temporary friends all at once.
I'll just say "thanks" to my random interesting "friends".
:) Thanks for the chat!
Monday, September 20, 2010
30 days of letters day 26: The last person you made a pinky promise to.
Ella,
My odd fairy goof! You're growing up so fast! We've hit a few snags along your "good girl" path lately, but you're still doing pretty good. I know these little trials and tests are "normal" and I'm correcting them as we go. A whole week without T.V. or video games was hard on us both. I hope our wish comes true soon baby. I promise, pinky and otherwise that I'll love you forever, no matter what turns your life takes.
~Mom
My odd fairy goof! You're growing up so fast! We've hit a few snags along your "good girl" path lately, but you're still doing pretty good. I know these little trials and tests are "normal" and I'm correcting them as we go. A whole week without T.V. or video games was hard on us both. I hope our wish comes true soon baby. I promise, pinky and otherwise that I'll love you forever, no matter what turns your life takes.
~Mom
Sunday, September 19, 2010
30 days of letters day 25: The person you know that is going through the worst of times
Everyone has hard times. I'm fortunate that my family and friends aren't suffering from anything aside from normal everyday troubles. I certainly wish for more joy in their lives and less small troubles and problems. But if minor life troubles are the worst thing anyone I know or love is suffering, that I am indeed a very fortunate girl!
Friday, September 17, 2010
30 days of letters day 24: The person that gave you your favorite memory
Imagine a quick series of small thank you notes. Gorgeous buttery card stock paper, preferably handmade. Small gold thread worked in. Rich green or red calligraphy ink pen. My best handwriting. These need not be long. What more needs be said, after all?
Dad,
Thank you For the tears in your eyes on my wedding day and helping me laugh instead of cry. I still cried, but the beautiful aching mix of joy and sorrow kept us from falling weak into sobbing fits.
Ian,
Thank you for holding her, achingly tender. That moment of wonder when you looked up. When you realized she was "ours" "yours" "mine."
Ian,
Thank you for saying You're mine. Mine first. I'm still working on grasping it, but hearing you say it helped.
Ella,
Thank you for saying I'm the "best mom ever" I know you're buttering me up, but there are moments I can tell you believe it and it makes it easier when I'm struggling.
Shade,
Thank you for being so strong, and weak, and fragile and funny. Every other moment with you is my favorite memory.
"J"
Thank you for Thursdays. Thank you for that one magnificent night that went on forever. Thank you for being my guide. Thursday will always be special now, always be a little sacred.
Jer,
Thank you for Magic. Thank you for moments of brilliance. Thank you for being so amazing that your younger self is still at times my guide through dreams that I don't quite understand.
Will,
Thank you for Monty python, British humor, and many of my favorite kinks.
Violet,
Thank you for a generous spirit, a love of the color purple, and a new "thing" for girls with New York accents.
Belle,
Thank you for guidance.
Cassie,
Thank you for tea. I wish I had a year or three to spend getting to know you. You fascinate me, and I feel as if we should have been sisters, lovers, better friends in some lifetime along side this.
Muffins,
<3 Thank you for the girl crush
Sammy,
You're epic.
My one constant commenter, Big Mark
Some of my favorite morning memories start with reading your comments. It helps me move on to my next blog. Knowing someone, anyone is reading.
To everyone one who has made a moment, a memory, a snapshot I treasure in my life. Thank you. I treasure them. I call on them in my moments of weakness and darkness and despair. The memories kep me stable, keep me happy, keep me warm.
Thank you.
Dad,
Thank you For the tears in your eyes on my wedding day and helping me laugh instead of cry. I still cried, but the beautiful aching mix of joy and sorrow kept us from falling weak into sobbing fits.
Ian,
Thank you for holding her, achingly tender. That moment of wonder when you looked up. When you realized she was "ours" "yours" "mine."
Ian,
Thank you for saying You're mine. Mine first. I'm still working on grasping it, but hearing you say it helped.
Ella,
Thank you for saying I'm the "best mom ever" I know you're buttering me up, but there are moments I can tell you believe it and it makes it easier when I'm struggling.
Shade,
Thank you for being so strong, and weak, and fragile and funny. Every other moment with you is my favorite memory.
"J"
Thank you for Thursdays. Thank you for that one magnificent night that went on forever. Thank you for being my guide. Thursday will always be special now, always be a little sacred.
Jer,
Thank you for Magic. Thank you for moments of brilliance. Thank you for being so amazing that your younger self is still at times my guide through dreams that I don't quite understand.
Will,
Thank you for Monty python, British humor, and many of my favorite kinks.
Violet,
Thank you for a generous spirit, a love of the color purple, and a new "thing" for girls with New York accents.
Belle,
Thank you for guidance.
Cassie,
Thank you for tea. I wish I had a year or three to spend getting to know you. You fascinate me, and I feel as if we should have been sisters, lovers, better friends in some lifetime along side this.
Muffins,
<3 Thank you for the girl crush
Sammy,
You're epic.
My one constant commenter, Big Mark
Some of my favorite morning memories start with reading your comments. It helps me move on to my next blog. Knowing someone, anyone is reading.
To everyone one who has made a moment, a memory, a snapshot I treasure in my life. Thank you. I treasure them. I call on them in my moments of weakness and darkness and despair. The memories kep me stable, keep me happy, keep me warm.
Thank you.
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